When Broken Hearts don't mend

It has been years since my parents have passed away. They still are watching me...lol
I look at life at a whole other angle. I see beauty and gods hand in a whole other way.
I watch my children grow with a smile on my face. A love in my heart, and desires of dreams and imagination.
I can, and have the power to say what I want.. (because I am old) it is either seen as wisdom, anger or senility.... let them believe what they may....lol
I have been told that I am in my prime... come on who really believes this, but over 50 has it's advantages.
I see and I am not afraid to say what I have seen... so let them put me in a home... but the truth has to start somewhere.
I have a great love, a love for life, a great love for a wonderful sunset and a love for sneezing because the sun is in my eyes. A knowledge that my children are fed and warm and have some enjoyment... that is what I live for. and the knowledge that God is in control.
knowing that I can survive when Hearts are broken. Knowing that I can survive when I can't see .. the path to all.... knowing someday, I will find this too.

The Summer went so fast

The summer went so fast. New friends gained and so may new ideas sprouted from the tiniest seedlings. Perhaps there was ideas lost and ambition forgotten, however new initiated ideas took place... and wow!!! new ideas for life... So waiting for the next adventure. So listing all of the things that need to be done. Time spinning out of control. Knowledge of a chapter of life closed and a new one open. A new understanding of time, with new adventures and many ahhhhhh notices.
So much gratitude for those who believe in me, and those who had the heart to listen, and the bravery of those who had the courage to stand up for me when things were difficult.
A new job, A renewal of a new dream and a new sense of belonging. With new gifts all over the place randomly scattered like tears that run down my face with appreciation.

the geese fly and I have heard their song. I have felt the nip in the air when I take the horses hay. I have felt the frost in my hands as I roll hoses to give the horses hay. I have felt the love as I have fed all of the feral cats and I have looked at the open dog run of my departed great friend.... hum season is gone again... what dreams will I gather next. life moves.

On a Cold Winter Day

It is always hard to wait for Springtime. Especially after Christmas is over and the decorations are taken down and it is a cold winter day.
The house is getting smaller, and window shopping isn't quite so fun any more.
Oh, there are the stores and their new colors for spring that bring a smile to your face.
Because... They are wishing for Spring too. It is the time that you bring out the seed catalogs and plan your strategy for the green house and the garden beds, and there are the flower beds. The wonderful smell of earth in your hands... and the night time aches from bending and leaning.
Now is the time to learn that song that you have been listening on the radio. Making it just a little different so that you can call it your own.... and you can actually hit the notes.
The news seems so sad. There is no hustle and bustle. More of everyone hunkering down.
Time to count the empty fruit jars. and clean the closets, getting a start on the "Spring" cleaning.
Looking out the window and looking for the smallest patch of blue, through the dark clouds. and celebrating every stream of sun that comes through the windows.
A time for baking. A time to try that new recipe in the homemaking magazines. A time to watch that sewing show.... and "not another project" but you do it... because why?
It is a cold winter day.

The Great Deception

When you are young you can be told anything.
Your parents concept of life, becomes your concept of life and you teach your children the same.
Until the day. The day that you find the truth and the truth is real.
You feel anger. You feel betrayed. you feel all of the hurt that you think a human sole can possibly bare. Then the tears come, and you begin the process of reasoning.
The questions, Why?
You fallow the beliefs back through generations. Why did they believe? Was it a chance, a hope, a new dream, incentive, encouragement. perhaps a new beginning?
How could such a scheme be driven so far?
How bold. The idea of using "God", a Deity, something so cherished and sacred, respected by man.
Yet, the perfect scheme of a villain.
People find comfort, and they make it a world of trust, love, and fortitude. How sincere their belief is.
Today is a lot different than the past. Information is at our fingertips.
Deceived, were they deceived?
So we find ourselves angry with the ways that we have been brought up to believe. The history and reasoning behind everything in various opinions and content.
One thing never changes.
God, Jesus Christ, Prayer, and Forgiveness. All is there. These things are true. We need only to search our hearts.
Why be angry when god is showing you the truth? Even with mans deception the truth is apparent.

My Mother didn't use Cupcake Papers

My morning Routine includes making something that my family can take with them for breakfast. This morning I am making muffins, blueberry muffins.
I pulled out the muffin tin and began. Muffin papers, where were the muffin papers? ah...I found them in the back of the baking shelf.
What would I do without them? They cut down a lot of work. They sure helped with the clean up. It was certainly a nice container to hold the wonderful blueberry muffins.
My mother did not use muffin papers. hum... her muffins were the " Best ". So sweet and wonderful on those cold snowy mornings, as we were getting ready for school.
Nothing to throw away. You didn't have to peel anything and have all of those scrumptious crumbs wasted.
Her loving hand worked the shortening around all of the muffing tin cups.
Each one perfectly covered and awaiting the wonderful mixture.
Golden Brown, golden Brown on the top and on the Sides, with the crispy texture embracing it.
My mom never complained about the time that she spent cleaning the muffin tin. She saved money, she even saved trees.
Her muffins were contained by all of the love and time that she so willing gave to us.
Mom I love you!

A Quiet Winter Evening

It is January, the clouds are hugging us... They fill the valley and hover over the valley as if they are a blanket covering a child. It sounds wonderful except for the lack of sunshine and fresh air.
Some would think of this as a welcome change from the cool brisk winter breeze that stings your checks and frosts your hair.
It is Utah, and the foot of the rocky mountains.
The horses are quiet, the dogs are quiet, and all is still. Not a star in sight.
There is no smell of fire wood burning, since the air control. It is now known as a red burn day. My grandfather would have been so confused.

Ideas are running through my head. New things to bake and cook. Plans of a new bookcase in a small room, and what to do when the kids go to school and the husband goes to work. (trying hard NOT to think of the looming housework).

I have long played all of my games on Facebook, glanced at the news sites, and looked at my email.
Chased a raccoon off the steps that was after a cat. and taken one last look at the horses eating their supper.

How blessed I am. How blessed my family is. I live in a state of the Last of the Cowboys. The real cowboys, and the mountain man. They are a dying breed and a part of history that our children will never know.

News headlines are sad.
The lack of human care, with their pretty words and lack of action and honesty. People tell others what they want to hear, not the truth.

Where did Honesty, integrity, morals and values go?
Times are not what they were. A mans word was his word. Something so precious and valiant. Now a lie is a common occurrence.

In the west people were shot for a lie. but here now in America you just get used to listening to it.

I pray for peace, for love, for freedom, and for relief from unrighteous power.
God bless us. Jesus help us. As sleep falls over and the dream of a new day is fast in coming and a few hours over the horizon.

The Duck Crossing

Traveling on a small country road with duck ponds on each side.
Interesting creatures with their fabulous colors. The soothing sounds of their tranquil communication.
I see it. The first duck crossing the road. You can just see the attention of the other ducks. The second, third and then forth, one with a limp, one that has an increased hesitation. I slow... and come to a stop as I am watching the duck crossing.... Then my attention swings to a service truck coming from the other direction.... it is not slowing... I am watching this in what seems to be slow motion as I see the truck heading toward "the Duck Crossing" My heart stops. my breathing stops, and I sit in silence as I cover my eyes with total fear and extreme anguish..
thinking about the limping duck. I watch the truck moving at full speed pass on the street missing every duck on "the duck crossing"
with total relief I take a sigh of new air. and I see the continuance of the crossing and I feel the blessings of watching this miracle and what I want to believe is gods protection.
How many times have we been in "the Duck Crossing"?
There are people who care and those who don't. Who do we trust and put our faith in?
How many touch our lives who are willing to take those last seconds? and How many just rush by? ..... Are we the ones who take the time for " The duck Crossing"?